Coachamatic

What do you do if you are speaking in front of a group and only half of your audience seems interested? Would you try to get the attention of that other half? Would you try to jazz up what you were saying?

Or would you just hurry up and get it over with?

It never feels good to talk with people who could care less. We want people to find us interesting. We want them to be entertained, or at least informed, by what we have to offer.

But sometimes, it’s just not happening that way. You may be speaking to a group who is bored and tired. Or maybe they were forced to come listen to you by their boss. Or their minds are preoccupied with other things, like that report they have due or the groceries they need to pick up.

Can that be okay with you? Whatever the scenario, can you allow your audience to be who they are? Can you be with them without needing them to be different, without needing them to respond in a certain way?

A while back, we talked about how the surest, fastest, easiest way to feel confident and at ease when speaking in public is to give yourself full permission to just be yourself. Well, can you give your audience the same courtesy? Can you give them full permission to show up as they are and be however they choose to be?

My friend Maria is a professor of psychology at a state college. She loves teaching. She loves being in the classroom, sharing what she knows, interacting with her students. Once she told me that she can be having a great time with her students and then she’ll see that one kid in the back who is sound asleep. “I immediately start to focus all my energy to try to get that one kid to wake up and join in,” Maria said.

“Why?” I asked her. “Why are you directing all your energy to the one kid who needs to sleep when you have this whole class of students hanging on your every word? Get your focus back on them! Be where the party is!”

I would tell you the same thing. Be where the party is! Yes, you may have people in your audience that are staring off into space or snoozing in the back, but there is always at least one person in your audience who is willing to be with you, to listen to you. Hang with that person. And leave the rest alone.

Now, I’m not saying that if your audience is rude and abusive that you have to stand there and take it. The purpose of allowing your audience to be who they are is that you get to be free to enjoy what you are doing rather than focusing on what isn’t happening. If you ever have an audience that is aggressively abusive, just leave. Who needs that?

For the most part, your audiences will always be polite and attentive. Some will be jazzed and enthused, hanging on your every word. And some will be so-so. Allow them all to be who they are.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. Even with the most disinterested audience, if you can fully accept and allow them to be who they are as they are, AND still be present and available to them in genuine way, you will find that your audience will become increasingly more accepting and generous towards you.

Funny how that works.

Posted on Nov 21st 06 by Nancy Tierney.

Nancy Tierney is a jazz/cabaret singer and performance/speech coach who teaches people how to speak or perform in public with unconditional confidence, ease and creative charisma. http://www.unconditionalconfidence.com

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