Coachamatic

“The only other time I was nervous was my first night on television. I was never nervous again because I learned something that day. And if more people could learn this, it would be the best advice I’d give you. As (Arthur) Godfrey later put it into better words, he said to me, “The only secret in this business is there is no secret. Just be yourself.”

— Larry King, Broadcasters’ Hall of Fame, 1996

I heard Larry King repeat a version of the above quote on CBS Sunday Morning (the most wonderful news show on TV, by the way) a couple of weeks ago, and I was thrilled to hear it. I wanted the world to hear it.

In teaching people how to speak or perform in public without being scared out of their minds, I always tell my clients that the fastest, easiest way to feel confident and at ease is to show up and just be yourself. Don’t try to impress anyone. Just talk to people as if you were chatting over a cup of coffee. Be conversational. Just be who you are.

But some people can’t accept this. They feel that if they are going to make a good impression and a successful presentation then they better be someone BETTER than who they are. Someone more articulate, someone more shiny and slick, more entertaining, more spontaneous and funny, more inspiring or full of Tony Robbins manic energy, and on and on.

No wonder they are so nervous and scared! Not only are they concerned with getting their message across but they are trying to be some fantastical, super-freak of a speaker at the same time. I’d be petrified, too!

So, as Arthur Godfrey told Larry King, there is no secret because here is the secret: when it comes to public speaking, just be who you are, as you are. Don’t even try to be a better version of yourself. Be who you are right now in this moment. Sure, you may be a “new and improved” version of yourself five weeks from now, but for now, just be this very real version of you.

I know it may be hard for you to believe, but the most impressive thing you can do is to show up and be yourself. There is nothing more magnetic and engaging then someone who is real and genuine. And there is nothing more tiring than someone trying to be impressive and slick.

And here’s another little secret Arthur left out. For the most part, audiences aren’t so interested in what you have to say. They are interested in who’s saying it. Yes, they may be listening, but mostly they are noticing if they feel connected to the person speaking. Is this a person they can trust? See, an audience can smell a phony a mile away and they start shutting down as soon as they catch the first whiff.

How trustworthy can you be if you’re trying to be someone you’re not? How can you connect with anyone in your audience if you’re busy trying to be some slicker, cooler version of yourself?

Can you give yourself full permission to just be yourself without apology, regret or excuses? If not, why not? What’s your other option?

Ah, perhaps that’s the rub! To truly allow yourself to just be who you are when you’re speaking in public, you need to be fully accepting of who you are. And as a species, we seem to have a habit of being disgruntled with who we are. We are always so focused on the parts of ourselves that we don’t like, those parts we want to fix or change or grow out of that we have developed a habit of self-rejection.

Somewhere along the line, we bought into the perversion that if we hate ourselves enough we’ll perhaps change for the better.

In fact, the very opposite is true. It is only in our full acceptance of who we are right now that we can ever become all of who we want to be. But there are other coaches on this blog that can fill you in on that subject.

I’ll just say this: the fastest, easiest, most delightfully delicious way to enjoy public speaking AND be really good at it is to show up and be yourself. Larry King knows it. Arthur Godfrey knew it, and now you do too.

Posted on Oct 9th 06 by Nancy Tierney.

Nancy Tierney is a jazz/cabaret singer and performance/speech coach who teaches people how to speak or perform in public with unconditional confidence, ease and creative charisma. http://www.unconditionalconfidence.com

Other posts on Coachamatic by Nancy Tierney.