Coachamatic

Today is National Coming Out Day (NCOD), October 11, 2006. According to the Human Rights Campaign, “The day was born out of the 1987 GLBT march on Washington, D.C., where hundreds of thousands of Americans marched to support equal rights for GLBT Americans. Today, National Coming Out Day events are held in hundreds of cities across the country and around the world.” I can’t think of a better time to discuss the “how to” of the coming out process.

Nearly twenty years ago I began my journey through the coming out process. It was a solitary, stumbling in the dark, lonely and somewhat traumatic experience. I would learn years later that my coming out was relatively painless compared to many. I discovered a flow to the process out of my experience and the experience of other gays and lesbians before and after. Whenever we “go with the flow” things happen with less struggle and pain, so I created a coaching program to assist folks in “getting in the flow” of coming out and support their staying in the flow during the process. You do not have to struggle.

Coming out involves several phases or parts, each with it’s own sub-process. While this program eases the struggle and minimizes the pain of coming out, it does not make it easy. This program is not intended to be a replacement for counseling or therapy. If you suspect you are suffering from depression or other treatable conditions, seek professional help before coming out.

Phase one is coming out to yourself. It can be very difficult because of family background, religion, socialization and the general attitude of society towards gays and lesbians. This phase involves self-examination, personal growth and self-education.

Phase two is connecting with other GLBT people. This part of the process is marked by research and outreach. You will learn where to find the gay community and reach out to become a part of it.

Phase three is telling your straight friends. In this part of the process you begin training and practicing for the next step of telling your family. It is usually easier to tell a friend you’re gay than a family member.

Phase four is often the most difficult, telling your family. It’s best to have the first conversation with a relative you are comfortable talking to that you expect will be supportive. I don’t recommend starting with your parents.

After phase four, coming out to co-workers (phase five) sometimes seems easy. It is still full of emotional, economic and social risks. As with other parts of the process you should only come out to co-workers when you are ready, comfortable with the idea and can do so safely.

At this point, you’re thinking, thank goodness, I’m done. Phase six is the ongoing process of coming out. You will change jobs, churches, meet new friends, relatives will get married and new people will come into your life in a hundred ways. At some point you will want to come out to many if not all of them.

There is much more to coming out than I’ve address in this short piece. It is a process that often takes years to accomplish. One huge benefit of coming out is you truly get in touch with who you are and can live in authentic state of being.

Happy Coming Out Day.
 

Posted on Oct 11th 06 by David Stocum.

David Stocum works empowering gay men to thrive in business, career and life. David hosts the ICF GLBT SIG, Rainbow Coaches Alliance (Coach U and Coachville) and Rainbow Network (GLBT business owners) online communities. David will be co-presenting at the ICF Conference on bringing Coaching to the GLBT community. David lives in Las Cruces, NM with his partner of 7 years. He is active in the local GLBT community as a volunteer. http://www.greatlivescoaching.com

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