Introduction
Looking at my resume recently a friend wondered, “What are you?” His confusion stems from the diversity of positions on my career path. After playing with I am a Life Coach, I am a Personal Growth Facilitator and several other titles that while accurate don’t give the complete picture, it came to me. I am a Change Agent.
When looking at those things I am most proud of and passionate about, they are about creating positive change in the GLBT community. They are a huge part of how I manifest my version of a thriving gay life. My work with the GLBT community in New Mexico includes co-publishing the oldest gay newspaper (http://www.nhcv.org) in the state, sitting on the board of the non-profit organization that owns the paper, serving on the committee creating a statewide system of community centers for the GLBT community, serving on the committee organizing one of the largest HIV/AIDS fundraisers in New Mexico and just generally volunteering. My work with RainbowVision (www.rainbowvisionprops.com) helps the GLBT community create lifestyle change for the second act of life and my coaching practice is about all gay men thriving in the world. It’s all about positive change in the GLBT community.
The foundation of all my work including this Blog is a belief that all gay men will thrive in the world. We will all do it in our own way but we can create thriving gay lives. I have ten key elements to a thriving life of any kind which I use as the stepping stones when assisting clients to create their version of a thriving life, which in most cases is a thriving gay life.
Ten Keys To A Thriving Gay Life
We all want to do more than just survive as gay men and lesbians. Like every human being we desire to thrive. How we thrive will be different for each of us. These ten items are a guide to creating your own thriving gay life.
- Clear Values.
Values are the guideposts of life. They are those things most important to us. We are not our true selves unless we are living our values. Values are the basis of all our choices.
- Vision for your life.
Vision is the big picture, the inspiration for your life. Your vision is the image of your best life based on your values. It is what you live into, create with goals and choices.
- Your Mission.
Mission is your purpose, your reason for being. Mission is closely tied to your values and vision. It is a statement of how you will conduct your life. A clear mission helps you honor your values and create the life in your vision.
- Success defined.
Defining success gives you a benchmark for achievement. Success is an individual thing; it’s not the same for everyone. How you define success is key to your happiness. If you don’t know what success is to you it will always be out of reach and with it happiness.
- Relationship peace.
You don’t need a partner to be complete. You need to be at peace with your relationship status to be happy.
- Community.
Human beings do not thrive in isolation. We are generally social creatures who crave connection. Community is the environment we create to foster connection. You are a member of multiple communities based on your values, interests and other common elements.
- Balance.
Thriving means all areas of life are working toward our vision. It means all the parts of our lives are creating fulfillment and happiness. Balance is essential for this since it keeps life’s elements in harmony. When we have balance no one area of life dominates the others.
- Career joy.
If work is a chore we can not thrive. Careers based on passion are the most fulfilling and rewarding. To find career joy, find your passion and create a career around it.
- Health.
Creating a thriving life takes energy. A healthy lifestyle is the source of this energy.
- Financial independence.
You don’t have to be Donald Trump to be financially independent. Financial independence is not about how much money you have but how you use it. If you have enough to live comfortably and cover any emergency you are financial independent.
Posted on Mar 5th 07 by David Stocum.
David Stocum works empowering gay men to thrive in business, career and life. David hosts the ICF GLBT SIG, Rainbow Coaches Alliance (Coach U and Coachville) and Rainbow Network (GLBT business owners) online communities. David will be co-presenting at the ICF Conference on bringing Coaching to the GLBT community. David lives in Las Cruces, NM with his partner of 7 years. He is active in the local GLBT community as a volunteer. http://www.greatlivescoaching.com
Other posts on Coachamatic by David Stocum.
David, this is really well put. From a coaching and GLBT perspective, this makes a lot of sense to me. I am wondering if you ever have trouble communicating this to a wide GLBT audience?
Jeffrey,
Yes, there are times when the wider GLBT audience has trouble understanding the idea of a thriving gay life. In my opinion this stems from the fact that so many of us have been conditioned not to expect thriving but to be satisfied with surviving in life. Until the idea that every gay man will thrive in the world becomes the norm the community will struggle with breaking out of survival mode.
So, as you listed, thriving involves:
1. Clear Values
2. Vision for your life
3. Your Mission
4. Success defined
5. Relationship peace
6. Community
7. Balance
8. Career joy
9. Health
10. Financial independence
Seems ambitious and certainly worthy of coaching (or therapy if beyond that). How did you develop this list, David?
Jeffrey,
I developed the list from my experience over the last five years working with GLBT clients, my personal life journey and surveying personal growth in general.
The list is the product of many conversations with both GLBT and straight friends and collegues, my own personal experience with therapy and life in general.
The items on the list are common areas which clients brought to coaching with me. They are not totally unique to the GLBT community but due to a variety of challenges we often have more struggle around moving forward to a thriving life.